I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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