One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
