Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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