i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
