My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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