He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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