Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
