you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
