I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize