I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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