I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
