Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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