The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
