Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
