We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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