yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize