i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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