My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
