Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
