Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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