I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
