so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
