Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
