Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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