I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
