Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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