so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
