so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
