I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
