i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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