eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
