Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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