Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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