I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Enjoy the penises
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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