So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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