So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
