Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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