How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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