i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
