I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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