i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
