Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
