I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
