Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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