you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
