This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
