I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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