I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
