Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
where does the pee come out of this thing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
