i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
