my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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