I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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