I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize