i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
