lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
