Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
