and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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