The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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