mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
