I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i think i just lost a toe
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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