Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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