Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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