Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
