Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
