You can't special order awesome
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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