a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
In America we eat man semen.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
