Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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