i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
