so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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