I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
