i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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